


That Initiation That Was Really Scary At First

by angelslaugh



Series: The Judge-Nin MisAdventures [3]
Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 07:02:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15858618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelslaugh/pseuds/angelslaugh
Summary: Seriously, like cliche horror music scary. And robes.





	That Initiation That Was Really Scary At First

“It’s time.”

Naruto pushed back the cowl of her robe, shivering as she was led into a cave, mysterious music coming out of literally nowhere.

_It’s fucking cold._

**It’s a fucking _cave._**

“Welcome, she who is to be initiated. Have you read our guide – the laws that we must obey, the force that must be dealt if we must deal said force?”

“No.” Naruto’s mutter seemed to make everything screech to a halt – even the music.

“Seriously? Dammit, who skipped out on handing out the pamphlets!”

“Sela was supposed to hand out the pamphlets. _Sela!”_

“I handed the old white-haired dude the message!”

“Um… Sorry,” Naruto said, raising her hand. “I’m _really_ sorry, I’m not supposed to be here, then. That was Jiraiya of the Sannin, he’s –“

“Sela _,_ more than _half_ our female members have a restraining order on that guy!”

“I didn’t know who he was!”

“Are you a peeping tom, too?” All eyes turned to Naruto, who flushed and shook her head rapidly.

“N-no, I’m a girl. He’s only teaching me how to be a ninja?” Naruto ducked her head, kind of ashamed.

“Damn, kid. Do you need a better teacher?”

“He’s the only one who’ll teach me ninja stuff. There’s this whole deal about a demon being kept inside me and all?”

“Ah, gotcha. Jinchuuriki. Hot _damn_ we got a powerhouse!”

“SELA, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE _INITIATION!”_

“Right, sorry! Go on, kid’s clean!”

The cliché horror music started up again.

“If you didn’t read the pamphlet, then you shall need a guide. One will be offered to you. Now. Speaketh after I! ‘I solemnly swear I will do the bidding of the job. I will do no harm – unless there’s a smidgen of resistance, then beat them into compliance because nobody will complain – and I will serve what needs to be served!’

Naruto stumbled along after him as soon as she realized everyone else did.

**Oh, this is going to be hilarious! I never thought something like _this_ would happen!**

“Good!” the cloaked speaker said. “Now it’s a _party,_ people! Welcome to the Ninja Judges, where we take down ninja for breaking their restraining orders!”

Just like that, the horror music changed to a happy tune.

Naruto was… kind of disappointed, actually.

“Ninja judges?” she asked, dully. “They only write _restraining_ orders?” She was sure that they did more, considering what they’d done to Mizuki.

“No,” a familiar voice said right behind her. “The ninja-judges also retain the right to beat ninja up if they break their restraining orders. It’s hardly simple.”

She whirled, her robe flying off as she stared up at…

(Okay, he was _totally_ hot. Who could deny it?)

“You may know me as Uchiha Itachi,” Itachi went on.

(He was dressed in a civilian suit. Actually, come to think of it, most of these guys were.)

“You can also be used as a lawyer for a civilian, though they can’t pay our salaries.”

( _I can get paid for this?_

**You should _totally_ do this. This is going to be hilarious.)**

“Whilst I am wearing this, I can do you no harm,” Itachi continued placidly. “It’s a code, an honor thing.”

“ _You_ have honor?”

Itachi blinked. “Yes,” he said. “None of these people here are vicious, mindless murderers.”

_I somehow doubt that._

~:~

Naruto stepped in, pushing the glasses up to her eyes before sliding them down to the edge of her nose.

They made her vision blurry.

“Sannin no Jiraiya!” she called out, just as Itachi told her. “Please take this and sign this.”

The new suit she had on her was fitted, and black. She was told it was appropriate by a random member of the Judges.

“What am I signing?”

She took the clipboard with her. “You have been served a restraining order from every hot spring in the Elemental Countries,” she announced boldly. “I am Judge Naruto, a certified Nin-Judge!”

“W-w-wait!” Jiraiya shoved the yellow envelope at her. “I don’t want this!”

“You signed the paperwork.” Naruto snapped the briefcase shut.

Jiraiya sputtered. “I’ll fight –“

Naruto may have pulled every facial muscle into this one expression. It was one that had never felt right until that moment; when she felt genuine disappointment that consumed her very being.

Jiraiya averted his eyes.

“Fine, I won’t contest it.” Naruto turned away from him. “Guess that means I’ll never get to see how big your chest will get – see if it matches the –“

Naruto’s face changed as she heard him talk.

See, if there’s one thing about her mother it was the strange ability to have three moods that could dampen the room.

The Disappointed Habenero AuraTM made people cry and sob about how they were utter failures.

The Dangerous Habenero AuraTM made it clear that Kushina was _not_ happy and would probably fly into a rage soon.

Lastly, the Incensed Habenero AuraTM – the one where Kushina could happily beat people half to death.

Naruto went from the Disappointed Aura to the Incensed Aura.

~:~

Tsunade burst into tears as she read the letter. Literally. Like, she was so happy she started to cry.

“Take all my money,” Tsunade sniffled, “and get Naruto something _extremely_ nice.”

Anyone who could beat Jiraiya half to death because of a disgusting comment was the _greatest_ person in the world.

After all, it wasn’t that long ago that Naruto had left the village. She must have joined either a cult or the nin-judges to become _that_ strong.

(Tsunade made a mental note to pat her on the back when she came home.)

 


End file.
